


Hurts So Good

by heeroluva



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Brainwashing, Breathplay, Codependency, Dysfunctional Relationships, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Painplay, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-07 08:25:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1892106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeroluva/pseuds/heeroluva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unable to trust SHIELD, Steve runs with Bucky. Together they try to evade HYDRA and SHIELD alike with varying degrees of success as they struggle with Bucky’s conditioning and his slowly returning memories. When Steve is captured, Bucky is forced to take charge, bringing things to a head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurts So Good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redcandle17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcandle17/gifts).



Steve fell into Bucky’s back when he abruptly stopped, but Bucky didn’t seemed phased. A moment later Steve stumbled a second time when Bucky suddenly moved forward again, his grip tight and unforgiving around Steve’s wrists. Whatever drugs they’d pumped him with had messed with his coordination and his vision.

It was all Steve could do to stay on his feet as Bucky set a punishing pace through twisting alleyways and backstreets filled with garbage and refuse. Most of the people they passed paid them no mind, but those whose eyes followed them had Steve’s head dropping, allowing the hood of the hoodie that Bucky had pulled onto his bare form to fall farther across his face, obscuring his features in shadows.

Steve hoped that Bucky knew where he was going because Steve had no clue. His hope was proven correct when Bucky stopped behind an apartment block and jumped to pull down a fire escape. Steve scowled as he was pushed forward, tired of being manhandled and his head pounding, but Steve climbed with Bucky at his heels.

Four stories up Bucky opened a window and urged Steve in. Finding his feet, Steve hissed as his back hit the wall, his head bouncing against the concrete and blurring his vision even further as Bucky crowded up against him.

“Bucky, wha—”

“Shut up,” Bucky growled as his hand rose and pulled down Steve’s hood, his fingers knotting in Steve’s messy hair none too gently.

There was barely any light in the room, but Bucky’s eyes gleamed in the darkness, staring intently at Steve.

Bucky’s fingers tightened in Steve’s hair, and he yelped, shoving at Bucky. “Shit, Bucky, what the—”

Steve was cut off abruptly as Bucky’s metal fingers wrapped tightly around his throat, just under his jaw, forcing Steve to his toes as his fingers scrambled uselessly against the smooth metal of Bucky’s arm.

“I said shut up. Do you understand?”

Forcing himself to relax, Steve hands rested lightly on Bucky arm, and he dropped his eyes because there was no way he could nod.

Slowly Bucky loosened his grip, but didn’t pull away completely. Instead he used his hold to tilt Steve head back.

Steve watched transfixed as Bucky’s face drew closer still, as Bucky’s mouth slanted over his own, captured his mouth in a demanding kiss. Steve froze, unsure how to react. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d been kissed, not even the first time a man had kissed him, but it was the first time that _Bucky_ had kissed him. Steve would be a liar if he’d said he’d never imagined this, but it had been simple fantasy, conjecture, certainly not something he’d ever expected to happen. Certainly not like this.

There were so many reasons that Steve shouldn’t be doing. Like the fact that this was the first time that Steve had seen Bucky express anything except fear, anger, or the worst: his blank indifference. Like the fact that Bucky deferred to him for far too much. Maybe it was those exact things too that made it impossible for him not to respond. That Bucky had initiated, that Bucky was seeking this out on his own, Steve couldn’t help but give in.

A sharp nip to his lips told Steve that Bucky didn’t appreciate Steve’s attempt to guide the kiss into something gentler. Though not a moment later, Steve found himself spun around, hands pressed against the wall as Bucky pulled Steve’s hips back before tugging down the loose cargo pants he wore. Steve dropped his head between his arms and imagined the picture he’d paint if anyone was to walk in on him. America’s golden boy, naked from the waist down, cock hard and leaking between his legs, on display for his childhood best friend. It was almost enough to draw a hysterical giggle from him.

Bucky kicked Steve’s legs apart, and Steve spread his legs as much as the confining material of his pants would allow. When Bucky shoved two spit slicked fingers, up Steve’s ass, he couldn’t help but rise up on his toes and curse, “Shit, Bucky, a little warning.”

Steve hissed at the burn when Bucky pulled out and none too gently thrust back in. Steve wondered what it said about him that his cock seemed to grow harder, wondering if it was from Bucky or the pain. Or maybe both. There were things he’d never done, never had the courage to ask about because it wasn’t proper. This was about as far from proper as he could get.

When Bucky’s fingers pulled out, Steve fought the urge to moan, to thrust back with his hips and follow them. He didn’t have much time to miss them before something thicker was pressing into him, spreading him wide. Steve bit his lip to stifle his groan.

Bucky’s weight settled against Steve’s back, forcing his chest against the wall as his back bowed. Bucky set a relentless pace, each stroke out dragging deliciously along Steve’s prostate, and each thrust in forcing the air from Steve’s panting mouth.

As Bucky suddenly paused, Steve didn’t have time to wonder why as Bucky ripped the hoody from Steve’s body, leaving stinging welts in their wake. As metal fingers wrapped just shy of too right around his throat, they forced Steve’s head back, straining the limits of his flexibility as his back was forced to curve even further. Fingers curled deeply into the flesh of Steve’s hip as Bucky began to move again, quick shallow thrusts that made Steve wonder if Bucky was purposely trying to drive him mad.

Bucky’s head dropped, teeth, lips, and tongue working in tandem to create marks on Steve’s skin. When Bucky found a particularly sensitive place high up on Steve’s neck right behind his ear, Steve wouldn’t help but shudder, and groan, “Bucky,” long and loud.

Steve’s hand dropped to pump his neglected cock as Bucky’s thrusts lost their rhythm. Metal fingers wrapped over Steve’s before tightening his fist almost painfully over sensitive flesh. At the same time, Bucky’s teeth clamped down on place where shoulder met neck, and Steve came so hard he saw stars. Muscles clamped tightly around him, Bucky was quick to follow and Steve had to fight to lock his legs to prevent them both from crashing to the ground as the full of Bucky’s weight pressed against his back.

When Bucky straightened and pulled out, stepping back and way, Steve hissed at the loss, more than just the physical because he could practically feel Bucky distancing himself from Steve again. Pushing himself up, Steve couldn’t help the heat that rose to his cheeks as he had to clench down to prevent a leak. Steve grabbed the scraps of the hoodie and wiped himself off, hoping that Bucky had more clothes stashed here. Bending to pull his pants back up, Steve jumped as Bucky’s hand slid along his back.

Steve hadn’t realized Bucky was so close, and really he didn’t know what to make of it, didn’t know how to react. This was new territory for the both of them. Bucky’s fingers rose to touch a spot on his back, seemingly entranced, and Steve stretched, straining to look over his shoulder. The fingers rose, trailed upwards, and Steve couldn’t help the small flinch as Bucky brushed over the bitemark, his fingers coming away red.

Turning, Steve wondered what to say as Bucky stared at the blood on his fingers in apparent fascination. Some days Bucky seemed to progress, to remember things, but other days, bad days, Bucky would revert back to looking to Steve for guidance over what should have been simple acts.

“I hurt you,” Bucky said, eyes rising to meet Steve’s. “You liked it.”

Again the heat rose to Steve’s cheeks, but he nodded. It wasn’t something he knew he could like.

“When you were small, you got hurt a lot. I remember hating it, hating to see you in pain and helpless to do anything about it.”

As Bucky’s eyes unfocused Steve wondered what memory he was reliving.

Bucky’s fingers curled into a fist, and his eyes dropped to it.

“I liked it too,” Bucky said, he voice rough. Face clouding with anger, Bucky suddenly spun, moving towards the window.

Steve barely caught Bucky’s wrist, practically falling on his face as his pants, still around his ankles, hindered his movements. This was a common mood, but Bucky’s reaction was anything but. Normally he’d wrench himself away, run and hole himself up for days, coming back starving for good and touch. But now Bucky stood frozen as though afraid to move, like a deer in the headlights, but his head was turned stubbornly away from Steve.

“Let me go,” Bucky said, voice shaky.

Yes, this was certainly different. “Not until we talk.”

“Nothing to talk about.”

Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

When Bucky remained stubbornly silent, Steve pressed up against his back, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s middle.

The stood like that for a long time, the tension gradually leaving his form as he relaxed back against Steve. Finally, tilting his head, Bucky caught Steve’s eyes and said, “I won’t hurt you.”

The light bulb went on, and Steve felt like an idiot as he realized the direction that Bucky’s thoughts had taken. “You’re nothing like them.”

Steve didn’t have to specify who “them” was because Bucky knew, knew exactly what he was talking about if the tightening of his jaw said anything.

“They were monsters,” Steve said.

“They created a monster,” Bucky countered. “The things I see in my head, the things I’ve done, the things I want to do to you—” Bucky stopped, and tried to pull away, but Steve tightened his arms around him.

Metal fingers wrapped around Steve’s wrist, and Steve’s could feel the flexing of muscles against him, could read the move before it came and readied himself, but at the last moment Bucky’s hand fell away and his head fell forward, long hair, spilling across his face and hiding his features from Steve’s gaze.

“I won’t hurt you,” Bucky repeated again with steel in his voice.

“What if I want you to?” Steve replied. They were treading in dangerous territory, he knew, but there was no avoid it.

“Don’t,” Bucky growled, and this time when he pulled away, Steve let him go.

Bucky spun, eyes suddenly raking over Steve’s mostly naked form as though he’d forgot about Steve’s lack of clothes. Maybe he had. There was hunger there and fear.

“It’s okay to want.” Steve spread his arms wide, on full display. “Do you want me?”

In any other situation, it might have been a dumb question, but not now. Bucky nodded slowly, warily as though waiting for the trap.

Steve knew that he might be pushing too far, giving too much, but it was a risk he had to take. “Then I’m yours, however you want me.”

Bucky’s eyes grew dark, and he stalked forward, arm suddenly darting out and fist closing around Steve’s throat in a mirror of their earlier position. “And if I want you spread out on my bed, tied down as I carve my name into your back; if I want to shove my arm so far up your ass that I can feel your heartbeat from the inside; if I want to spank you until you cry and beg for more, for no more, to mark you again and again, every time you heal, to prove that you’re mine, you would let me?”

Vision growing blurry around the edges, Steve fought to hold Bucky’s gaze. Hips flexing in response to his suddenly painfully hard cock, it bobbing between them in a way his head couldn’t right now.

Yes, Steve wanted to shout to the world. Yes, to all of it. Didn’t Bucky know by now that Steve would do anything, that Bucky meant everything to him? Even now so far away from home, especially now. 

Bucky must have liked what he saw because his fingers loosened, but before Steve could take a full breath, Bucky’s mouth was over his, devouring him. When Bucky finally pulled away, leaving Steve red-faced and panting, Bucky smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be dark, but didn't turn out that way, and I apologize. I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
